I told my husband that I don't remember having smiled so many days in a row. . . .in fact, it feel like the muscles in my face are needing to adjust to a new way of life.
Want to hear about it?
Back in October, I was very reluctant to say "yes" to going to our church's ladies' retreat. Once I got there, I told some of the women that I was there because I wanted to ask God what was blocking me from the peace and joy that God offers through Jesus Christ. A brand new friend said, "I have heard counsel that says: we hold our own chains." Hmmmmmm. Food for thought.
So, off I went listening and waiting for what God would teach me.
Saturday night I was still troubled. We were given an opportunity to be quiet with God before communion. I told God that I needed to hear from Him. He showed me that I needed to repent...
not just confess, but confess and TURN, from unbelief of His Word.
He also showed me resentment of two people in my life, and fear of a private situation. Sick of my fearful, anxious life, I stayed in God's presence until I felt God and I were done talking. One of the ladies noticed I was struggling and came up and prayed with me. After that, I went to two of the retreat leadership team and asked them to pray for me. I was resisting praying because I knew my failure rate. I was so sick of failure. I didn't want to fail again. Immediately as I said that, I pictured Peter sinking in the water because He didn't look at Jesus. So I turned from that thought to TRUST.
"Looking unto Jesus the author and the finisher of my faith."( Heb. 12:2)
It is by HIS GRACE we stand. It is not in trying on our own. I confessed my unbelief and my resentment. I was free from that sin. FORGIVEN. But my feelings had not caught up yet. I was drained from the process, yet knew I had obeyed the Lord.
As I walked away to my room, a song from a long time ago came to mind;
Gaither Vocal Band
"I'm free of the fear of tomorrow.
I'm free from the guilt of my past.
I've traded my shackles for a glorious song
I'm free, PRAISE THE LORD, free at last."
I hadn't thought about that song in a very long time, and here, God was ministering TRUTH to my need.
SO WHAT HAPPENED WHEN I WENT HOME??
I turned the next page of my daily verse calendar, and GUESS WHAT IT WAS?
Psalm 34:4-5
"I sought the Lord and HE ANSWERED ME
and delivered me from all my fears.
Those to look to Him are radiant and their faces
are never covered with shame."
He answered me. My Lord answered me. People don't always answer me, and people let me down, but my God ANSWERED ME! I caught myself smiling. My face WAS radiant. My face was changing! I stayed on the retreat HIGH for about a week.
Then testing came. One of my fears is of traveling, due to bad memories that I have. I'm not talking a little fear. I am talking TRAUMATIC type of fear. My husband and I were going go on a date to a concert at a church in Rockford. I didn't feel strong, and felt the pull to go into old patterns of avoiding the situation and hiding at home. But God helped me recognize that. I was able to be determined that God would be with me. I chose to trust His Word. Things went fine until we were on the outskirts of Rockford. A bad memory from high school flitted through my mind. I burst out and SHOUTED:
I sought the Lord and He heard me and delivered me from all my fears.........
(that verse I quoted above.)
And BOOM, the fear was gone and I enjoyed the concert.
THEN GUESS WHAT HAPPENED?
The very last song of the concert, the quartet sang:
"I'm free from the fear of tomorrow
I'm free from the guilt of the past....."
The very same song that came to mind after I prayed at retreat.
I sobbed in worship. Wasn't that just the sweetest thing that the Lord would give that me that song at that moment? I AM FREE........because of who JESUS is.
I am learning more and more, the POWER of God's Word. Life brings me daily challenges to re-make my lifestyle into one of a trusting woman. I'm still in FIRST GRADE (maybe passed kindergarten?) I may need you to remind me of what GOD'S TRUTH is at times.
I want to shine God's Light to you too.
Hugs to you all.
Celia
